I joined a light music circle after entering university. I play the bass. During the six months I have been in the circle, I have been trying to figure out what it means to act confidently in the studio and in live music clubs.

Until I graduated from high school, I had no experience in club activities or lessons in which I had to perform something in front of others. I had never had an opportunity to develop confidence as the center of attention. I had always acted as a supporter of others.

Therefore, when I performed in front of people for the first time this year, I had no idea how I should look or act. My mind went blank and the phrases I had practiced were slipping out of my head.

When I finished my performance and exchanged a few words with a senior vocalist from the same band, I realized that my confidence was not the same as the quality of my performance.

Confidence makes a difference in the quality of the performance. The older vocalist acted like a king when he performed, singing as if he was proud that his band was the best of the day. I started thinking about how proud I should be of our band, and how proud we should be to perform. This was important. I could not say that I had achieved to become fully confident that day.

However, since that day, I have been thinking about what confidence is.

There was a concert in September. There, I met a senior who plays the guitar and also composes music. He played a few songs with me. After the concert we had a chat.

He said that he would never ever let go of his guitar under any circumstance. Even if he got drunk and left his wallet or bag behind, he said he would get into a cab with his guitar in his hand.

I realized that the love I had put into my instrument – the bass – would be returned to me in the form of confidence.

I will practice with respect and gratitude for my instrument, just as that older man did. Even when it hurts my fingers, I will continue until my efforts have been rewarded with confidence.

私は大学に入学してから軽音楽サークルに入会し、ベースパートとして活動している。半年間の活動のスタジオやライブハウスでのライブを繰り返している中で自信を持って行動することの意味を考え出していた。
私は高校を卒業するまで人前で何かを披露する部活動や習い事に取り組む経験がなかった。自信を持つ必要がある機会がなく、人をサポートする側の立場として行動してきた。
そのため、今年始めて人前でライブをしたときにどのような表情、立ち居振る舞いをすればいいのかが全く分からなかった。頭が真っ白になり、練習したフレーズが頭から抜けていくほどだった。
演目を終えて同じバンドのボーカルの先輩と声を掛け合ったときに初めて気づいた。
自信の有無はパフォーマンスのクオリティにも差をつけることに。その先輩は演奏する際に王様のように振る舞い、自分たちのバンドが今日一番輝いていることを自負するように歌っていたのだ。自分がいかに自分たちのバンドを誇りに思って演奏できるか。これが大切なことだった。
私はその日それが達成できていたとは言えなかった。
その日から、自信とはなにかについてずっと考えていた。

9月に行われたライブがあった。そこで出会ったギタリストとコンポーザーを同時に務める先輩の演奏と話を見て気づいたことがあった。その先輩はどんなときもギターを手放さないそうだ。例え酔い潰れて財布や鞄をその場に置き忘れても、ギターだけは抱いてタクシーに乗り込んだというのだ。
その楽器にかけただけの愛情が自信となって返ってくることに気づいた。
私はこれからその先輩のように肌身離さぬ勢いで自分の楽器に対して敬意と感謝を込め、指を痛める日も耐えながら練習していきたいと思った。自信となってリターンするまで。